The Entourage competition is heating up!!!

So the competition is heating up. I decided earlier this week that I would start putting together an entourage. You know, I don't have the money or the fame yet, but I think I need to be prepared when it happens. Oh, and it will happen. I sat down, did some serious thinking, then I put it all on TundraTalk. I made sure that I picked the right guys to hang with. I had charts, graphs, beer, and bratwurst to help me make the right decisions.

After I put it out there I just left it up to you guys to police yourselves. And, guess what. You did. I have had some great feedback from the boys on what needs to be done with this posse. There has been some suggestions that maybe we need to put this out as a reality show with all the music and dramatics. We could have an elimination scene where the obnoxious host gives some stupid catch phrase like, "You have been eliminated from the posse, please turn in your man card and leave the mansion." Nah, reality tv sucks.

So, lets start with an up and comer. Reg Rudolph, of the Garrison Rudolph's, decided to throw his hat in the ring. He makes a strong case for being a member of the crew. Let's let Reg state his case... (sorry about the picture Reg, but that is all I have, circa 1987) Yes that is a marker he is trying to pass of as a microphone...


Mr. Peterson (That is what I would call you if I was in your entourage), I read with great interest the qualifications you felt were important to be in your so called posse. If you want a posse that is just a bunch of money sucking friends living off of your coat tail then count me out. Yes, I am a friend from way back! As a matter of fact just last week I recounted an event that you and I had together; driving home from college freezing our butts off in your Escort because you didn’t have enough anti-freeze. But the rap muzac at least kept you warm.

To recap some of the functional value I could bring to your organization: First and foremost I see you do not mention any person that knows his way around a dollar with the level of expertise as me. As a matter of fact responding to your inquiry for a posse is costing me money right now. However I believe in your potential and ability to convince someone to buy (at an inflated price) your idea eventually.

Let’s get down to it! There is always one or two guys in the posse that make bad things go away and good things develop and the star never knows the difference. I am one of those guys. I run a multi-million dollar company in a fashion that most people perceive that it could run itself. As the CEO I know what it takes to get the skids greased so others can succeed. I will remember your anniversary and send flowers for you, get the birthday gifts for your kids, and still make sure you don’t get screwed when you want to buy a new car. I will also remind you that you haven’t called your mom in five days and as I hand you a ringing phone you will still remain the humble son.

Albeit, Willie Nelson had a bad moneyman , you will not! North Dakotan’s don’t steal their friends money because that is simply wrong and we were taught the Golden Rule in church, the one with God! I will hold your finances inviolate as that is my responsibility, I will also tell you when you are risking it.

As I look back at my request to be in your posse it makes me wonder why you would pick me? But every person has a fun friend and at least one practical friend. I am the practical friend, sad for me to admit but it seems to be working.

Write your masterpiece, strike it rich and when you get scared at what is happening to your life, call your practical friend. I may be available

PS: Tony is a good choice because there may be times when I need to make some bad things go away.

Peace out Bitch! (That is the only thing cool I could think of!)

Reg

Mr. Peterson, attached you will find my picture as you requested. Most of your entourage candidates convey an image of “I like to party” –quote from Talladega Nights. I will be the person in your posse that strikes fear with those that intend to violate your “circle of trust”-quote from Meet the Fockers. But don’t worry as I am the one that knows how to “kick ass and take names”-quote from Reg Rudolph.

Okay Reg, you make a strong case. You are correct that I did not put a guy on the list that can take care of finances. That is very important. I do remember that trip in the Escorche, and yes it was cold. The idea that I would never have to remember an anniversary or birthday again is very appealing. There is one thing that is holding your back a bit, that whole thing with the viqueens. I do recall you in a email this year trying to justify your loyalty to the purple and on the verge of giving them up for dead. I am here to tell you, we as Packer fans are always welcoming converted queen fans. It can change your life for the good. Come on over and I believe that it could be a done deal. Oh and comparing the pictures, in the old one mullet, and the new one, well no mullet. Nice.

Now Venckus chimed in on him being on the list...

Thanks for putting me on the list...it's an honor. Really. Moot point...your screenplay will probably suck. Try writing something about a 16 year old chick that gets pregnant and drinks Sunny D. THAT might make it big.

Idiot.

Peace.

Venckus

Thanks Derek, nice of you to drop the idiot right away. Already keeping me real. Points for you!!!

Hauserinskinov jumps in after he sees all the other resume's. He does well for himself simply by bringing up the legend of Sign Boy, and FUNYUNS. Hauser looks like a lock....

Sooooo, I am sitting here tired as hell and I see everyone else is making a case for themselves, a-holes! First of all....I LIVE IN GREEN BAY AND YOU ALL DO NOT. I could simply end my statement and say nuff said? No, I will roll on. Being a competitive cyclist and a guy who likes to keep the body in decent shape, I feel I play a key role in the entourage, read on!

When the Bossman (that's you Big Man) needs a cold beverage and the closest Shell gas station is really not all that close....I am fit enough to RUN for beer and FUNYUNS...pulled the F word which again is a likely lock. So in review, Green Bay and Funyuns, and then in shape and willing to run like Forest.

I was there when the legend was born, SignBoy, brings a tear to a fellas eye. From small felt tip pens to the big ass oversize Sharpie, notebook paper to huge chunks of solidified pulp...no wonder Kaukauna stinks....all those signs! I have witnessed everything except the forest fires and the whole living in Canada thing, whatever. I was there when the first felt tip made contact with the paper....and the first "YOU SUCK" sign was born!!!!

Again, getting real tired here, which brings me to my last point....my one weakness which just happens to be a demand as well. I need the naps, OK, if Bossman has the entourage on the run all day.....I'm gonna need a nap here and there boys....just the way it is!

That is my little diddy, not P-Diddy, just a little diddy. Take as you want it, bottom line....I love that Dee Snyder.

Hauserinskinov is in the HOUSE

Naps are good with me. Hauser good work.

Next up is my Uncle Ray Harper, of the Boeing Harpers, and he wants in...

Chris,

Every famous person has at least one no talent deadbeat relative hanging on their coattails. Lucky for you I fit the description, besides if you don't let me on I'll tell your mom. Since I cant earn my way in I will have to use extortion like threatening to sell my DNA to the tabloids so they can make a match with yours on those paternity suits.

Uncle rayman

Okay, uh, sure. Call my mom if you need to. She will just tell you to mind your business. Oh and the picture is the picture that Ray will be using to run for office at the Washington state legislature. If you live in Washington, make sure you vote for my Uncle. If you want him in the Entourage vote for him. Not sure how being in my Entourage is gonna help him get elected.

Of course Mary Frey jumped in with his opinion on how the whole crew was shaping up...

I like it - I like it a lot... Now the one thing that I would change on my blurb would be that I was "born" a Packer fan - the son of a man who stayed for all 4 quarters of the Ice Bowl and a charter member of the Bucky Scribner Fan Club - the official fan club of the Packers first left-footed punter.

OK - enough about me... There are some good choices there - there are some GREAT choices there...

Venckus - IN... one of the smartest, sarcastically funny sports guys that I ever met (I guess that isn't saying a lot - but still) I can hear him saying it in my head right now.. "Peterson - your an idiot"...

Nordic Man - IN.. Big fella, easy to get along with - Fireman, cheese curd and beer lover and a hard working man.

Trevor D - Love the last name, He's chewed some dirt.. good

Hauser - a great athlete (but I am concerned about the pink bike), a seriously funny guy and a great photog that is up for just about anything..

Cory - Hell yes.. every team needs a "scrounger". The Guy who can get what you need, the "fixer", the "go-to guy.. hell yes

Tony Mutzenberger - war hero - great name - probably doesn't want to be any part of this? - he's perfect

Mitch - I could see this.. Say you're about to do something really stupid because of an idea that we came up with when we were drinking and playing poker by the pool. Then Mitch could lean back, take a slug from his beer - scratch his head and say.. "You know Chris - Donna would kick your ass if she ever found out you did that".. And then we could all agree and get on with the game.

but really? A "donkeys fan" - A frickin' Lawyer? - A viqueen fan? What the hell is that? I mean if your goal is to have a couple of guys that every else wants to beat down on a regular basis -then sure... A lawyer I could see, only if he knows that he's scum and feeds off the suffering and pain of others.. But a Viqueens fan? That, my friend is unforgiveable. They are the worst punks imaginable - They play in a Dome - failures to the core, full of whiny complaints about how everything is "bad luck" - THEY PLAY IN A DOME!

I miss the old-style viqueen fan when they played outdoors.. We grew up tailgating at Lambeau and when the queens came to town there was good-natured ribbing - a few bets on the game, we shared our brats and beer with them and gave them directions when they were a little tipsy after the game. But win or lose - they were decent fans, plus we both hated the bears so bad that there was some of that "mutual enemy" camraderie. But in the last 10-15 years, Viqueen fans have become bitter, sad little punks - spitting and swearing in the kids section at Lambeau.. Their perverted players holding sex parties on lake barges and mooning entire stadiums with their disgusting displays. Perhaps it's because their parents gave up on the team in the early 90's and all that is left is the current generation of viqueen fan, brought up on failure and poor sportsmanship - and the only thing they know is fear and heartbreak. I pity them and their useless dome-bound team.

Marty

I know what you are saying about the queen fan thing, and it is a big deal to get past, but he does have connections and I have tipped a few with this dude, and he can be changed, if we wish to take him in as a 'project'.

The lawyer is also a bad mofo. He works for the state department in North Dakota fighting crime. As you know there is not much for crime in ND so he is smart enough to pick a state that is slow. You know a few grow ops, some jaywalking, maybe a noise complaint, stuff like that.

I think we have a good crew here.

OK - You didn't tell me that he was a prosecuting attorney and not the "scum sucking" type of lawyer.. you idiot.. He's OK But I still can't abide by a queen fan being in the posse.. If he's in - I'm out..

Bold statements from Marty. Shane, do you want to state your case? I think you should.


Blashill, of the Edmonton Blashill's, just had one thing to say about his nomination...

Petey,

Feels like you just wrote my obituary.

No, my friend, I think in those words I wrote your destiny. You are getting huge support from the rest of TT and you look as if you could lock this up almost as quick as Marty. Nice work my friend.

Nordic Man made a bold move on the Entourage thing, he sent his wife to respond. Man, that is awesome. Much points for the Nordic One on this one. So what does she have to say?

I of course would have to vote for my Nordic Man, and where else do you get a Vikings fan to make you home made pancakes shaped like a G?
I do hope you know it was painful to use my griddle for that!
Also who would take his girls to the Tilted Kilt, aka strip club, that serves food without a cover charge.

Nordic Woman!

Yes, those pancakes were awesome. The Packer G in the middle of the cakes was just the icing on the cake. Yes the idea of taking your daughters to lunch with the boys at the tilted kilt, yup, manly. He is rising above the rest. Truly an innovator.

Last but not least Mitch adds his opinion...

“Unstable personality - check. Referred to (in the third person) by a nickname (Red Rage) - check. Packers fan - check. I believe I more than qualify. Add in the fact that I am also a fan of the Grey Cup Champion Riders, I also hate the Vikings, and I think this is a no-brainer. Mitch

Preach on brutha, or should I say, brutha in law. You got Marty's vote so you are already a head of the game. Just keep your game up.

So there you have it Nation, the Entourage is shaping out to be a great competition. I welcome any and all suggestions as well as bribes. Feel free to let me know if there is something wrong also. Oh and if you want to call me an idiot. It is getting to be that way now on my emails. Still waiting to hear from a few of you. Min, Mike, Ivy, Weiser, bring it...

Now, have a nice weekend.

I am gonna get me an entourage...

Okay, so I have decided to start writing again. No not just here to you the loyal TundraTalk Nation, but another screenplay. Or maybe just a story. I am not sure what has inspired me to do this. I think maybe it has to do with a few things. The other day I was digging around in the furnace room looking for something that I have no idea where it is when I found a box of letters. My Mom and Dad, for some reason decided to keep all the correspondence that I received when I was in school and the Forest Service. Not sure why.

Oh, wait, you remember that don't you. Writing letters? Can you imagine? I used to, apparantly, write a lot of letters. I probably had around 60 letters in this box. Most of them from girls. Now before you start thinking that I am just bragging, don't. These letters were not hot or even warm. They pretty much sucked. Weird thing about it some of the girls I got letters from I cannot for the life of me remember what they looked like or even who they were. Crazy. After reading a few of them I figured out I had a pretty much a form letter that I sent them. Basically describing what I have been up to, a question on what they are doing, and then asking for their phone number and a picture. Seriously, every one of these letters from different girls answered the same questions.

I also got a few letters from Chad Weiser, of the Bellevue Microsoft is satan Weisers, Reg Rudolph, of the Garrison Rudolphs, and Shannon Just, of the not sure where Justs. It must not have been to easy for those guys to write because there were no more than two from each of them. Shannon was so lazy that he even had my mom fill in the address to the Forest Service. Lazy bastard. Letter writing is a lost art, and by the looks of these letters, not to many of my homeboys were artists. Reggie's was good though.

Anyway, I have always wanted to put down on paper my experiences in the Forest Service fighting fire and reading these letters reminded me of some of those stories so I decided to finally start writing it.

So obviously, that leads me to want to put together an Entourage. You know, for when I sell the book or screenplay and have loads of money to just throw away on my homies. I need a support system to keep me real. I know, some of you are saying "What the hell are you talking about Chris. Isn't that what your family is for?" Yes, and no. I like the show Entourage, and I just wanted to go through, what I will call a tryout, or the interview process of putting one together.

A good Entourage consists of four or five dudes. No you can't just put anyone into these spots. I do not want an Entourage that consists of yes men that will just go along with all my lame brain ideas. I need guys who will not be afraid to call me an idiot. Most of the people I have chosen to go on the list would probably step over themselves to call me an idiot so I think I will be okay on that point. After all if you have a group of yes men that usually leads to jail time like Tyson, or Iverson. You know the old saying, "You are who you roll with." Well I guess it is not old but it works.

So I am going to break down a list of potential candidates for my Entourage. I hope no one is offended by not being on this list but trust me I have put a lot of thought into this. This list is in no particular order, just putting it out there. Good luck and here we go...

MARTY FREY - Check the list to the right, whose name is at the top of topics in TT. Marty Freaking Frey. This guy is a frontrunner for many reasons. He is a Packer fan, he sends me stuff, he has major connections, he has been to the Playboy Mansion twice in the past year, he almost burnt me to a crisp for a commercial, and he is usually one of the first guys I can count on to call me an idiot. Marty is also the man who uttered the infamous 'Dee Snider Poker Night Comment'. Which of course is huge. Trump will not work with anyone else in LA and neither would I. Marty this is your spot to lose.


DEREK VENCKUS - Derek made this list on his ability to make me laugh. A dude has got to have a guy to make him laugh in case I have a bad day at the studio because some dumb ass actor will not do what I tell them to. Venckus is also a person who will call me an idiot just for drill. Plus he knows hockey. I needs a guy to talk hockey with. I believe he is a closet Packer Fan. Every Entourage needs a driver, and I have seen Derek drive the NBC 26 mobile commisaries at the Elkhart track in Wisconsin. To quote the great movie Ricky Bobby - "Derek Bobby is not a thinker, Derek Bobby is a Driver." Derek is a definite front runner for one of the spots.



TREVOR DOROSHENKO - Our first Canadian to pop up on the list, Trev is a guy who unfortunatly is a Red Wings fan but makes up for it by tolerating my Packer Talk. Trev is a guy I went to war with at the A-Channel which spawned our charity golf tournament that was a huge success in Edmonton for 6 years. Trev also shows much loyalty to me by following me from Edmonton to Regina. He missed me so much after we left that he could not take living in E-town with out me. That my friends is loyalty. Good on him. Trev also is a guy who is not afraid to call me names if I deserve it. Good luck Trev. Oh and we will forgive him for posing like the Heisman, a college award, at the PRO football hall of fame.


SHAWN HAUSER - Hauser, or Hauserinskinov as he is called in the NHL, starts off well by being a Packer Fan. As you recall from the NFC Championship weekend podcast, he is vital in the Packers success last year. He gives Favre hand signals from the sidelines when Brett does not know what to do. Sweet. Hauser is also a hockey fan (Rangers too bad) and loves beer. You have got to have a guy in your crew who can locate and allocate beer when it is needed. Hauser has these qualities in spades. He was also there on the infamous 'Dee Snider Poker Night Comment'. Hauser has a house full of women, as I do, so hanging with the boys is crucial. Hauser is a very strong candidate.

CORY BLASHILL - Our second Canadian to make the list. Cory, well where do I start with Cory? Lets just say Cory is the goods. If you need something, Cory can get it. If something is broke, Cory can fix it. If you need something to eat, Cory can cook it. If you need a live hit in les than 5 minutes, Cory is your huckleberry. If you need gossip on someone, just pull up a chair. Also if someone is bugging you and you want them to go away, Cory will send them packing. Cory also has the best luck of anyone I know. Plus he has great stories from the road and always drinks with the finest athletes. Oh, and Cory can plan a party like no other. It would be safe to say right now that Cory pretty much has a spot locked up.


ROBBY DUPUIS - Robby, despite living in Minneapolis, is for one the guy who I could count on in my crew to be the voice of reason. You know the one, the guy who keeps us from going into the wrong bars, casinos, or strip clubs. The one who at the drop of the hat could have us in a limo on the way to Vegas. Of course he would get us comped. The only thing about Robby that is holding him back a bit is the fact that he is a fan of the Donkeys and John Elway. As you can see in the picture he is getting his ass handed to him by the Hansen Brothers. Robby knows that the greatest film of all times is Slapshot. Robby could also be the enforcer of the group. Need one of those.


THE NORDIC MAN - First and formost, he has a killer nickname. A must have in a posse. You must have a guy with a nickname. Nordic Man. Now that kicks ass. Secondly, he is our hook up for Packers tickets. This guy ALWAYS comes through for me or my boys. Nordic Man also has a palace in Gillet Wisconsin that is sutiable for many a fine get together. Nordic Man also loves hockey and is willing to tell me to shut up if I need to. The Nordic one is also a man with a house full of women. Guys like us need a lot of QT with the boys. This crew would supply all of that time. Last, but certainly not least, he was also there on the infamous 'Dee Snider Poker Night Comment'. Nice job Nordic Man you are on the list.



TONY MUTZENBERGER - I am starting a new trend with my posse. A war hero. From now on when someone considers putting together an Entourage they will consider a war hero. Tony is down. Now, he may not want to join my posse because he probably is still upset about Chad and me putting him thru the car wash in the back of Chad's El Camino in high school. Maybe he is over it though, we really could use a guy who knows his way around an AK-47.



CHAD WEISER - Speaking of Chad, a person should have at least one of his boys from way back in his crew. Chad has many qualities that would fit in my crew. First and foremost he likes beer. Unfortunately he is a Seahawk fan but he makes up for it by being a Celtics fan. He is also a man who has a house full of women and could use more time with the boys. Chad works for a landscape architecture firm so when I get ready to build the palatial mansion he can design it with everyone's needs in mind so when we all move in we will not feel the least bit uncomfortable. Oh, did I mention that we all have to live in the same house? Required. Deal with it.


NICK CHASE - Nick is on the list because he is the baddest lawyer in the land. He kicks ass and takes names daily. Every posse needs an agent type that knows his way around the law. Nick is this guy. Nick is also a huge wrasslin fan who I personally have sat ringside with. He also attended Wrestlemania 19 with Weiser, Ivy and me. He is a natural leader that can lead the group to all the best deals as well as the best parties. Nick is the go getter that this crew needs. He probably won't join up because he is too busy fighting terrorism, or terrism as W calls it. Too bad, Nick would have fit in well.


SHANE T. KELLER -What would Shane bring to the table? Well, as you can see in the picture he is wearing what is possibly the ugliest thing a person can put on their body. He is a queen fan. I know, why the hell would I put a queen fan in my crew? Well, Shane is a good guy that just has a few flaws. Also every crew needs someone to make fun of. Being a queen fan would give us tons of material. But Shane would not just be the butt of many a joke, he is our hook up to the music business. He has worked in the industry for many years and has tons of connections. Let's say I decided one day that I needed a theme song. Shane could get on the blower and have that done by noon. Shane IS the music industry. So he all but makes up for the fact that he is a queen fan.



MITCH DAVIS - The third Canadian on the list Mitch makes it solely that he is my brother in law. Every Entourage needs some nepotism. Plus if we go to concerts and need ear protection he has the hook up. Tinitus he can help us with also. Nice job Mitch. Way to make the grade. Oh and most importantly, he is a Packer Fan. Mitch is the man.





Okay, there you have it, the front runners for my Entourage. I will note there were some others that had potential. And really, anyone could increase their value between now and when I actually put this thing together. Any one of them could step their game up and knock one of the top contenders out. On the same note the contenders need to keep their game up. No prevent defense here. Keep doing what you are doing. Here is the also rans....

Steve Iverson, Min Dhariwal, Greg Donnelly, Mike Chaussee, Uncle Rayman, Reg Rudolph, Steve Schoenrock, and last but not least, Jason Manning.

Okay, if you are on this list keep doing what you are doing. If you are not on this list and want to be, step it up. Send me a resume, a demo reel, and a list of references. We will see what you can do. Remember there are only 4 or five spots and lots of talent on this list. This is the whos who of TundraTalk.

I'd be interested to hear if you have lists of who you would put in your posse. I wonder how many of those lists I would make. I think I would do okay. Anyway, do not take this list personal, this is strictly business.

Now that I have that out of the way, GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!

Belicheat and the Cheatriots video....

I gots to share these parody videos with you. The first one is dedicated to the New England Cheatriots. In honor of their 18-1 season. Losers. This on is a bit cheesey but very funny.



Patriots Parody You Cheated - Watch more free videos

The next one is for Senator McCain. I like this one also. It is a parody of the Barack Obama video. Which I like, but this one is hilarious, in a totally scary true way.

Enjoy. NOW GET BACK TO WORK....

NFC Championship Weekend...The Video

How Cold Is it? from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.

First off I want to wish Cory Blashill, of the Edmonton Blashill's, a happy birthday on Thursday. Have a good one bro, keep your eyes on the prize.

Here it is. The long awaited, well probably not, video of the NFC Championship weekend. Sorry boys, I will tell you right up front. There is no video from the Tilted Kilt. I think that might have been a bit inappropriate.

First up on the video is Marty and his bro showing us how cold it really was in Green Bay that weekend. The old throw hot water into the air trick. Watch it, it never gets old.



Marty Gears up. from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.


Next up is game day. This spot of video documents Marty's gear that he wore to the game. Layer upon layer. Also his old man talks about being at the Ice Bowl back in 1967. The day I was born I might add. Nordic Man adds his commentary all thoughout this one. Not bad.



NFC Tailgate then Game from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.

Last but not least is the video from the Lambeau. But first before we get to that, you the loyal listener and viewer of the TundraTalk Nation get to watch Chris and Nordic Man eat a hamburger and a brat. That is good TV. Nordic Man also refers to himself in third person. Nordic Man is awesome.

Marty smuggles the camera into Lambeau, along with tons of hooch, to get the player intros and some of the University of Wisconsin playing Gary Glitter at halftime. Ther is no better college band than the University of Wisconsin. Sorry Ivy, the Goldstar Band at NDSU is not in a good way with me. You know, because those stupid tubas standing up and blocking the student section.

I hope you enjoy this video as much as we did shooting it. This last one is around 23 minutes so schedule your day accordingly.

Next time on TundraTalk I will have the video of Marty on Jay Leno. You know the one where Arsenio and his freakishly large fingers interview Marty looking for jokes.

Now, GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

Favre circa 1992

I just thought I would share some vintage Number 4 video for you. The first one is Favre after his first win against the Bengals. OJ, Buddy Ryan, and Costas conduct the interview and at one point Costas explains how to pronounce Favre's name. Sweet.





This one is Berman doing highlights of Favres first start against the Steelers. In this one you get to watch Rod Woodson get burned twice and drop a punt. Rod Woodson was a great but not so great on this day. Interesting to see ESPN way back in the day. Berman and TJ were good back then.



This one is just an interview conducted by everyone's favorite know it all Larry McCarren. Favre has lost the accent since those days. He talks about his first completetion to himself in this one.

Enjoy.