Okay, I have a lot to cover so strap in...

Okay, I know I have been away for a while, and I will get to that shortly. But first, I will get to what you all have been patiently waiting for, or in Venckus' case IMPATIENTLY. The Entourage interviews. I completed the final interview about three weeks ago, Shawn Hauser, of the Green Bay Hausers. We discussed many things including, the Packers, WGBA, the Packers, Camera dude stuff, and Brett Favre. Now we here at TT have always maintained the fact that Shawn used to roam the sidelines at Lambeau and send in plays via hand signals to Number 4. All the while never really giving one shred of proof. Cause that is how we roll. Well, I was scouring the internet the other day when I saw this picture. BANG! Proof. There he is on the sideline right as Brett is running the play that he sent in. Deal with that haters. There is by no way any funny business with that photo. It is totally legit. As you can see with the Entourage photo on top, I am not that good with Photoshop, YET.

Anyway, if you want to listen to his interview CLICK HERE or just click the link up and to the right. Hauser kicked major ass on this one. He even said that he had not listened to any of the other ones so as to not be influenced or intimidated by the others. Well Hauser, now that yours is over, LISTEN TO THE DAMN PODCASTS. I am not doing this for myself. Or am I?

Okay, now that I have had time to listen to all of them, compare my notes, eat a few bags of Funyuns, and watch the new season of Entourage, I will post the results. Yes, and I will do it in less than a year. I will drag it out a bit though, we do need some drama.

Just so you know what is at stake here. I will tell you. We will not just have a main posse, which will consist of five dudes and me. Six total. I am going to announce a 'Second Team Entourage'. Two total. Kinda like being Second Team All American. No shame, just if one of the boys in the main group is unable to fulfill his duties. For instance, if we are on our way to the Grammys, and for the sake of an example, Posse Member Number 3 has a conflict (which there are only a few excuses I will detail when I give out the Official Posse Handbooks) a call will be made via the bat phone for a back up. Whammo you are in the show.

Now, for those of you who may be picked for the second team, there is no shame in that. You will be kinda like the Packers Stock that they sold back in 1999. You are an official shareholder, and can attend the meetings, but you are not allotted a vote in the official proceedings. You are the shareholders in the company that is the Posse. Very important.

Okay. I will be announcing the Second team first and will have an announcement later in the week. Good luck to all who participated.

NEXT: The topic that has had the NFL network's panties in a bundle. Yes, the NFL network wears panties because they have yet to invest in REAL cameras for their so called camera guys at each team. Man their video sucks balls. Until they invest in real cameras I will consider them a 'panty wearing' network. Anyway back to the story, Brett Favre finally did the right thing. He decided to NOT put on the ugly purple jersey and sell out to the worst team in the history of the NFL the Minnesota viqueens. All the while they sold a shit pile of those number 4 jerseys to the hapless queen fans. Ha, that is almost as funny as the moron who tattooed 'Super Bowl XXXIII Champs on his arm, before the team even made it to the game. And then said he would just add another 'I' next year when they win that one. Moron. It is always 'next year' in queen land.

I am quite pleased in the outcome for several reasons. One being that I do not have to move the Favre Fathead to the garage. Or I do not have to take the Favre jersey off the wall. The other reason being is how he lead all of queen land on this wild goose chase for a whole summer then dumped on them. Kind of like the actual team does every season. HA.

Now the real question is why? Well I will tell you. I will take credit for this decision. Yup, I am not afraid to stand up and accept your thanks. You are welcome TT nation. You are welcome. I think it all goes back to the letter I penned, or typed, for him back when this ugly, nasty, and might I say, downright shitty rumour came out back in early May. I beleive in his heart last week after a great lawn mowing session, he sat back with a cold Leinie's (Honey Weiss or perhaps an Original), tuned in to Jesse James is a Dead Man, opened a bag of Funyuns, logged on to TundraTalk and re-read my plea. After all who can argue with my logic. I know Donna can't, or gave up trying, one of those two.

No one wants to play for the viqueens. That is a fact. Adrian Peterson, no relation, doesn't. He is just biding his time until he can get the big pay day and go to play for the Raiders and suck. His first choice on draft day was the Pack, it is a fact. Look it up, when you find it send it to me so I can read it for myself. Anyway, Favre is not a queen, in the literal putting on the purple jersey sense. He IS a bit of DRAMA Queen though. Thank you Brett for finally retiring. Now you can move on to Canton. No Brett, they do not have a team there you can play for.

NEXT: Where have I been since June 21? Well I will just break it down a bit. Since this is not a forum for me to just spout off everything I am doing (that is Facebook). This is a forum to spout of on the silly things I am doing and to wax prophetic on anything that is Packers related, or just to show everyone how really immature I am. I will just give you a short list and some pics and video...

Took a bit of a vacation to North Dakota and the Black Hills. Blew some shit up on the Fourth of July and then saw Mount Rushmore and some wild life. I was there when Greenpeace put the banner on the mountain but not at Rushmore that day. Missed it by that much. That would have been cool to see. The Black Hills were great fun had by all.





Went to a few Rider games and got on the score board several times. I am a superstar, oh and I know the right camera dudes, errrr persons. McKenna also performed at half time of one of the games with the Rider Cheer Team. That was awesome. Dakota yelled at a crazy fan for taking off his shirt and McKenna got really good at yelling Calgary Sucks. My kids rule.




Went to the lake and did some boating, swimming and grilling. We got a late start on the season this year but have been trying to make up for it. The weather has not be great but when it is we take full advantage of it. Love boating on the lake.





Took the kids to Buffalo Days for rides and greasy food. McKenna is fearless when it comes to rides and will ONLY ride the rides with her hands in the air. Chip off the old block. We also saw MC Hammer and I did a duet with him on the world wide hit, Turn This Mutha Out. Word, as the kids say these days. They still say that don't they? Check the video. Oh, and as for the bad video near the end, McKenna pulled my hat down over my eyes as she was sitting on my shoulders so that is my excuse. Deal with it.


Hammer at Buffalo Days 'Turn this Mutha Out' from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.



Whew, now that you are all caught up,

GET OUT OF HERE AND GET BACK TO WORK. I HAVE A POSSE TO PICK.

Why we all hate the media (small m)...

Okay we have some paperwork to do before I let this one out. First off Todd Holdman, of the world famous punk band Nobody's Children Holdmans, left a note about Brett Favre's ride....

that is a nice truck and i think you should sell your house and buy it. what's he driving now? Prius?

Todd

Umm, Todd I am not sure if I ever took Number 4 for a Prius guy. Of course we all know that now he is just driving his lawn mower.

AND a first time caller to the show, Round Guy, of the Des Moines Iowa Round Guys, drops this little ditty on me...

Yo CP,

what's to say you buy the truck,...then a week later Favre changes his mind and wants it back??????

"ROUND GUY"

Round Guy you are truly a guy who I need to consult in the future when I decide to make an impulse purchase on eBay. Your thought process on this sale is spot on. What the hell would I do if he asked for it back. Would I tell him I did not think he was in the 'right mindset' to have the truck back? Or would I just go with the 'that train has left the station' blast? Oh and more importantly which media outlet would I use to get my side of the story out? Sure as hell won't be Fox News. If I was GM and Coach of that fine truck I would accept what Brett wanted to drive only one truck in his career and give him the truck back. Because no one wants to see the greatest QB of all time go and buy a different truck and then drive around in it even if he had a better year in that truck. It would tarnish his image.

Anyway, Round Guy, maybe you should advise me on this eBay auction before I buy it... Ric Flair signed Robe. What do you think? Do you think you could give me some advice on how to sneak it into my house with out Donna seeing it? Or how about what country I should move to and hide in when she does see it?

NEXT:
As you all know I am a member of the dreaded left leaning Media that has ruined the country and your children's future. We all know it wasn't because you are a bad parent, it is completely on the Media for your child turning out the way it did. That is a whole different rant that I won't go into today. I have other fish to fry.

The media. Let me tell you that I believe that there are two kinds of media out there. Media with a capital M and media with a lower case m. The capital M is a media that works as it was designed to work. As a public service to the community. One that asks questions from both sides, informs the public, and holds those in power accountable. Oh and if you are entertained along the way that is a plus. Entertainment is not number one. Information is. Sadly that kind of Media is few and far between now a days.

Then there is the more prominent media that exists. The kind that thinks it is more show business than it is to inform. The kind that is more responsible to it's advertisers than it is to it's viewers.

The story I am going to tell you today is about a local media outlet. We here at TundraTalk are a big proponent of the Media being a service to the community not a service to advertisers. We should always tell both sides of a story, when possible, and never use the Media to our own advantage. Okay, so maybe not TundraTalk so much.

Well here is the part of the story that I will NOT put the word 'allegedly' in front of. About a week or so ago a TV station did a story on an old woman (81) who had her power cut off from SaskEnergy because she could not afford her bill. Of course there was the ubiquitous shot of her in her non heated house. Her talking about how cruel it is to turn the heat off on a defenseless old lady. This story of course got the community all involved and volunteering to pay her bill. Eventually a guy came in to SaskEnergy and paid cash for the bill. This story took off across the country and was picked up by many media outlets.

Nice story right? Real power of the media to do right right? Here is where the story gets fuzzy. The story showed the old woman sitting on her rocking chair in a sweater and a blanket. Of course it did. You know what else it showed? The old woman sitting in front of her electric stove heating the house. Uh, not to cool there. It also had an interview with the son saying stuff about why would they shut off the gas on my mom and stuff.

Of course the reporter interviewed SaskEnergy and they towed the company line that if you do not pay you do not play. As well they should right?

Okay, maybe I am a burned out old bastard but my first thought would have been "Hey jerk off son. Why the hell did you not pay the bill for her?" I know that I would do everything in my power to pay MY moms bill if she came up short. Who knows, maybe he is unemployed and can only afford to pay for his families bill. Oh, did I mention that the bill was around 900 dollars? Oh, and did I also mention that she had not paid for over 6 months?

Here is where I put the big word in my story ALLEGEDLY everything from here on out will fall under the allegedly category.

Come to find out, the son lives in the house, ALONG WITH HIS ADULT SISTER. WTF!!! You are telling me that this woman lives in the house with her ADULT son and daughter, have not paid for their heating bill for over six months, and I am supposed to give a flying crap? I don't think so.

Do you really think that the guy who paid the 900 bones would be happy that he paid the bill for an old lady when in actuality he paid the bill for a deadbeat kid(my opinion) and his sister and their mom just happens to live there (allegedly)? I would be pissed.

It is no wonder why people hate the media. Well, I know that the son and daughter love the media. They just got their bill paid by the media. I think I might just call up the local station and see if I can get them to come over and do a story on me and maybe I can get a credit card or two paid off. I mean really.

I don't want to point too many fingers at the reporter, cause I don't know him, but, did he know these people? Was he doing a favor? Or was he just wanting to do some 'good'. Maybe he thoght he was 'sticking it to the man'. Why the hell did he not ask the son why he did not pay the bill? Or better yet, ask him where he lived? C'mon people, do your homework.

As a camera guy, I have ALWAYS raised my voice when a situation came up that may or may not be ethical. I have gotten in trouble at times for vocalizing my concern with a stories angle or lack of both sides of the story, I do not care if I catch heat for that. At least the question is asked. I am not sure if this reporter shot it himself or if there was a camera man involved. I know I would have been screaming to whoever would listen if I was at this shoot. No way in hell I would have 'staged' the shot of the old lady in front of the stove. NO FREAKING WAY.

I have always been against being a part of the media with a lowercase m. I personally own a shirt that has a picture of a dog on the front with the quote "Why do we go live?" and on the back says "because we can". Which in the biz is a 'dog lick live'. You know the old quote, "Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can". I hate those. You know the ones, "We are her live" at the location, in the dark, 24 hours after the accident happened. Save the live truck for something immediate. I am going off on a tangent a bit but I am trying to make my point that the Media needs to serve the public in giving information that they need, not to help pay their bills that they are too lazy to pay themselves.

I guess I still want to believe that a Media outlet can exist today and do the right thing. I also know that sometimes people make mistakes. I hope that this is the case where a 'mistake' was made. I am thinking that probably is not the case but who knows.

Anyway, that is my rant and I am sticking to it.

Have a great weekend. Now GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

TundratTalk Nation rises up...

Okay, I am sorry that it took me to blow up on you but you came through. Marty was the first to step up to the plate but the rest of you took off.

First up we have Ivy, of the Moorhead Minnesota Ivy's. He apparently is down south somewhere that is not experiencing the best of weather. Ivy what you got?

Peterson:

I was actually thinking a Pack jersey might be OK, as I thought "the" question could be Pack, or Queens? He is an old Gopher you know.

And it is totally appropriate to break tradition and do the 4 fingers with Nature Boy. You really shouldn't do it any other way in my opinion.

Wish I was there. Coldest weather in Florida since the Ice Age and too windy to fish. Oh well...

Later

Ivy

Okay Ivy is for the Pack jersey. Figures since he is a queen fan. Remember all you queen fans are welcome under our tent. No harm done. He is also for the four fingers up. I am thinking that is a good idea also. As for your question, not bad. I might add that one in there. If he says queens, I am not sure if I will tell him he is wrong, even though he would be. I know it would be an honour for him to lock in the figure four on me, but that kinda hurts so I think I will leave it alone.

Next up is Danny McIntosh, of the Regina CTV (sucks) McIntosh's. He is also in agreement on the four fingers up...

I have the solutions to your problems my friend. You wear your very own Ric Flair/Chris Peterson head to toe Armani. You flash the 4 fingers. And you ask him how his kids are doing. Problem solved.

Need anything else - let me know.

Dan McIntosh

Okay Danny. Thanks for the help. Not sure I am going to ask how are his kids. I do know that one of his boys is going to wrestle one of Hogan's kids. The one who is not in jail for killing someone (allegedly). As for the 'anything else' how about coming over and shoveling my driveway. See ya soon.

Next on the list of those who helped is Jon Bauer, of the Minot Budget Tapes and Records Bauer's..

Chris,

thing to sign : your arm so that you can make it into a real neat tattoo
thing to wear: Carolina Huricanes Hockey jersey
question: ask him if he has ever met Chris Paul

hope this helped

Jon Bauer

First off, no, Jon is not related to Jack Bauer of 24 fame. Second, the tattoo is funny but not practical. I did a story on a guy in GB once who wanted Favre to sign his back so he could do that. He also had a full size tattoo of Lambeau Field, Lombardi, the Super Bowl trophies (viqueens don't have any), and about 10 0ther things Packer related. Nope, not gonna do it. The Carolina Hurricanes jersey is a good idea but I do not have one. Last but not least, who is Chris Paul? Is he a basketball player, and why should Flair know him?

Next up is Heath McCoy, of the Calgary Herald McCoy's. He is as you all know the author of the great book about Stampede Wrestling. You can buy it here. Great book. Let see if his ideas are as good as the book...

Seriously man… That was a funny blog. I'd definitely pose with him doing the horsemen hand sign. It's a show of respect and will show him you're a true fan as opposed to the generic thumbs up.

As for the question… I think I'd ask him what he considers to be the golden era of professional wrestling and if he thinks the art is dying in the current climate. How does today's product measure up to what he was bringing people in the 70s and 80s?

Good luck man… I'm pumped for ya.

Heath

Thank you Heath. I appreciate your comments since you are a big time author and all. Another vote for the four fingers up. I like your question a lot. I was thinking of asking something along these lines but could not word it as well as you did. I guess that is why you get paid to do this by the Calgary Hearald. Nice job Heath. I will ask him that.

Donna, of the Donna's who lives in my house Donna's, also gave me some, ahem, advice.

Christopher,

You sound like a girl getting ready for the prom. I don't think you planned this much for our wedding. Donna

uh thanks, I think. I am not sure if you really know what a prom is since you do not have those here in Canada. But thanks again. Oh and I did plan a lot for our wedding. Remember the keg. That was me.

Last but not least, Venckus Schmenkus, of the Tennessee Venckus',drops this one on me...

Peterson,

You think you're stressed? Really? My stomach has been in knots for months waiting to find out if I'm part of your entourage.

Venckus

Okay Derek, dually noted. I am still trying to get over the fact that I did not get the war hero on a podcast and have got a bit lazy. First order of business next week is getting Mitch Davis on his interview for the Entourage. I have a few days off next week so I can get this done. Oh, wait, he is going to some beach somewhere. Okay, so we will adjust our lineup a bit and skip over to Marty. Then Mitch, if he is back. Or we will just do Weiser. Get ready boys cause here I come.

Tomorrow, Doroshenko is driving me to the airport at 7am so I have to pack. Get ready E Town Here I come.

Now again, GET BACK TO WORK!!!

The Gear Daddies, Minneapple, and the Twins game sucked...

Okay, so this post is a bit late but the whole Favre to NY threw me off and I have been busy as hell lately so just read it and get over yourself.

I was in Minneapolis last weekend. Yup, I was in the states. I know most of you felt a tremor in the force. I went down with Donna to see Robby, Dahl, Nick, Tony, and the Gear Daddies. Not necessarily in that order.

We left Regina on Wednesday night with full intentions of getting to Minot in time to have some ribs and beers with Tony Mutzenberger and Steve Shoenrock, of the Minot Mutzenbergers and Shoenrocks. Work did not get me out early and an unfortunate forgetting of the passports set us back.

Oh well, it is all good. We stopped over halfway and dropped McKenna with my parents in Hazen to stay for a visit and we were back on the road the next day. We stopped for Lunch in Fargo and were able to hook up with Nick Chase of the Fargo Chases. It was a nice visit with him and his wife and baby. I have not seen Nick for a while and it was like we just saw each other yesterday the way we just rapped like old times. Nick of course is stamping out Terrorism and anyone else who dares to flout the rules of law in North Dakota. Much ass is kicked by this man everyday. Don't F with Nick Chase.

After lunch we finished our trip by arriving at Robby DuPuis of the Minneapolis Dupuis. He has a very nice house just at the end of the Minneapolis Saint Paul Airport. It is amazing how low those planes fly above his house.

On the agenda for the weekend was a trip to see the Gear Daddies at the Zoo Amphitheatre, a trip to see the Twins at the Metrodome, some artsy stuff at the Art Fair, and some serious shopping at the Mall of America.

Friday morning took us to the Mall. Donna did some power shopping and I purchased a replica of the new Lambeau to go with my old one. Good morning at the mall. Robby worked that day. It was the first anniversary of the bridge falling into the river so he had some big shoots that day. If you remember correctly he was the first TV news camera on the scene that day. He has even was interviewed for a special that aired that evening. I saw Robby's footage from that day and he did a great job. Proud of him, I taught him everything he shouldn't do so he did great.

Anyway, Friday night brought the reason why we travelled all this way. Well that and the beer that Scott Dahl owed me. The concert was at the Minneapolis Zoo Amphitheatre. Nice little venue to see a show at. Around 1000 people crowded in to listen to a band that has been around for a long time. The Gear Daddies are a band from Minnesota that play a brand of alt rock/country that I am a huge fan of.

Dahl got the tickets for us, which I still owe him for, and the night was on. I managed to record most of it on my iPod. I know it is not exactly kosher to do that, but hell, I did. If you would like a copy just drop me a line and we will get it done. Oh and just so you know, there is a lot of us singing on this copy. Well here have a listen...


Gear Daddies live... from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.

Yup, that is me singing. The drunk guy. That was an awesome concert. A band that I have wanted to see for a long time.

The next day we, as my suggestion, decided to go to a Twins game. I take full responsibility for this trip. I know, the Twins suck, the Metrodome sucks, it all sucks. I have never been in the Metrodome so I wanted to experience the suck in person. Plus, I was hoping to do Robby DuPuis Entourage Podcast at the game. You know, that would be cool right. Podcast live from a major league baseball game. Well, kinda major league since it is the twins.

I figured that it would be me, Donna, Robby, Dakota, and about 10 other people. That is usually what I see on the highlights. Well, unbeknownst to me it was Twins DQ hat night. It is amazing how midwesterners will go out of their way to get something free. If I was a Twins fan and a resident of Minnesota, thank god I am not, I would soooo be there. We could not get a seat on the lower level, from scalpers. I hate those guys. That is a whole nother story. Anyway, we sat way up in the top of the Metrodome. If this were a queens game, which again thank god it was not, it would suck to watch a game there. Way to sterile and air conditioned. Especially for baseball, a person must be outside for a ball game not in this baggie dome.

So we are watching the game and this dude about 10 rows up starts yelling at the team. My first thought is dude, we are three miles from the game, they cannot hear you. But he paid for his seat he has a right to yell. Then this broad, and I use this term in a completely non flattering way, starts yelling back at him. I immediately think we are going to have a fight. I of course, encouraged the fight. Nothing happened. So I decide to find more tasty beverages so I go out and search for a tasty one. While I was gone the broad decided to have this guy kicked out. He wasn't swearing, he wasn't too abusive he just was an Indian fan. So this chick took it upon herself to have him ejected.

Robby decided to give her a piece of his mind on the way out. I told him I had his back and he proceeded to tell her that if she did not like heckling that she should stay at home and watch the game. Well this trailer trash did not like this and promptly told Robby that he should go back to New York. Dumb ass, which is what I called her a few times. Then, get this, just as we get to the concourse she grabs my arm, pulls me toward her, says "have a nice night", AND HER DAUGHTER KICKED ME IN THE SHINS. Then they ran to the womans bathroom. AMAZING.

I just got kicked in ths shin by a 13 year old trailer park trash kid, who is a Twins fan, at a MLB game. Wow. I hate to generalize, but I think I will. Twins fans are just as dumb as queen fans. Sorry. Here is another thing about Twinsfan that drove us crazy. NO ONE SITS AND WATCHES THE DAMN GAME. We sat on the aisle so all we saw the whole game was jerkoffs going up and down buying sammiches, dogs, popcorn, pop, and anything else they think they need RIGHT NOW. We only saw a few innings of baseball, and a ton of a-holes walking up and down. Sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked.

So that was the basic gist of our weekend in Minneapple. I did not get to do my podcast from the Twins game, but we did it from Robby's man cave in his basement. CLICK HERE to listen to the magic, or just click the link above. I have had it up for a week or so and some of you have already hit it so thank you for listening to TundraTalk the Podast. Robby did a great job and we added a new game to the show. It is called Brush with Greatness to the Death. Basically the host starts with a Brush With Greatness story and then the guest has to counter. It goes back and forth until one of us give up. I will tell you that I do not give up. Deal with that.

Now Tony Mutzenberger of the Minot Mutzenbergers was supposed to go before Robby but he has been busy being an army guy so I will get to him soon. Up after that will be Mitch Davis of the Regina Davis'. Good luck Mitch. Start studying your man laws.


Okay that is all. Now GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!

It is time to put it all on the table. Literally...

As I sit here with a bag of frozen peas on my lap I can honestly tell you that I am willing to share anything up here on TundraTalk. I shared with you my root canal. I shared with you my Trish Stratus fart story. Nothing really is out of bounds.

I am now taking it to the next level. If you are a loyal listener to TT the Podcast, you know that I was scheduled to get fixed. That's right the Big V. Before you run screaming to your You Tube site to watch some dude sing a bad version of Karioke, I will tell you I have no pictures, just a few good stories. If you enjoy laughing, read on. If you enjoy laughing at me, you HAVE to read on. Doug Helbing of the Bismarck Helbings, said he had it done a while back so if guys are doing it it must be okay, right?

Before I went to this thing I decided that if I do not make it through this, I would give all my sports memoribilia to Trev Doroshenko, of the Regina Doroshenkos. EXCEPT the Brett Favre ball because when I go, I am taking that with me. Not sure if Trev wants all of it, but that is too bad if he doesn't. Donna was a bit upset with that because she said she would want to keep it around and 'cherish' it. Not sure if that is code for garage sale, but it was nice to hear.

It was yesterday at 12:30pm. I of course was soooo excited. I mean really, who doesn't want to lay on a table with your junk hanging out for some dude to take a scalpel to? Oh, yeah, just get in that line. Nick Chase, of the fighting terrorism Fargo Chases, commented that he thinks it is a "minor" surgery and I told him it is "bigger" than he thinks, and stop thinking about 'it'. Not that there is anything wrong with that.?.

Lets go back a few months. I was hanging out at the CBC in Kenny Bilash's, of the Regina Bilash's, edit bay when the subject came up. Not sure how or why, but it did. Kenny said that the CBC had done a story on this new 'scalpeless procedure' that they are doing now and that I should watch it. Well, I am one for not having too much pain, especially down there, so Kenny goes and gets the story and I go to a vacant edit bay and sit down for a look see.

I cue it up and the first thing I see is another dudes junk right there in 16x9. That is all I need is someone to come into this edit bay, where I am sitting by myself, and see me looking at some other guys junk! Kenny set me up. He says he didn't, but with a smirk on his face. Nice. No digi back when they did this story? Come on. No one wants to see another guys junk.

Needless to say the doc that is doing the procedure does not do the new 'scalpeless' way. So I guess the joke is on me again.

Fast forward to yesterday around noon we are pulling into the Pasqua General Hospital and there is this big German Shepard in the back of a truck in front of us barking his head off. Yeah buddy, I know how you feel.

After around a 30 minute wait, Canadian wait times aren't that bad don't beleive what the fear mongering Republicans tell you, my name is called. Moment of truth. I have been waiting for around 3 or 4 months for the day (I had to cancel once, and the doctor had to cancel once) to get here and now was go time. I was instructed remove my gear and to lie on the table and cover up with a blanket. I brought my iPod with me to try to cope with the idea that I am going to be awake while some dude has sharp edges near my stuff.

Doc walks in, I put on Rage Against the Machine. He asks me what is that? I say and iPod and he responds what is that? My doctor does not know what the hell an iPod is? What the hell? Am I sure that he is who he says he is. Maybe I should check ID. 'Just another bomb track' is now blasting in my ears.

As a cameradude who once worked for Trinity Hospital in Minot and did Trinity Health Talk once a week for the lousy noon show on KX, I have shot hundreds of surgeries. Major and 'minor' as Nick calls it. I have seen a mans heart stopped, I have seen total knee replacement, and I have even seen an angioplasty (I think). BUT ALWAYS THROUGH A BLACK AND WHITE VIEWFINDER. Never in color and never with my own two naked eyes. Sorry about saying naked. Whenever I flip by some show that is showing a surgery I flip fast. Cannot stand to see it, don't want to see it. Keep it away from me.

The doctor asked me if I wanted to know what he was doing? Nope, just leave me alone with my Rage. I just want you to do it and get out. He of course did not like that but still did not take away my iPod.

Since I had the iPod only in one ear so as to make sure that I heard his instructions "Whatever you do don't move your hands down here." Okay that is easy. I hear this metal clip that appears to sound a bit like when you release a vice grip pliers. Uh oh, what is that for? I did not have to wait long to find out. That is exactly what it was, a vice grip for my boys. Now the next time I hear that a chick has a dudes nuts in a vice, I know exactly what they are talking about. Hey doc how about some numbing for the area? Holy crap that is a bit of a pain.

By this time we are up to 'Killing in the Name of". Okay here we go, needle number one. Pain but not bad. Now this guy must have been in a hurry because he hadn't set down the needle before I could feel the scalpel cutting me. Yeowch. Not something I recommend to anyone. Things are going along well, if you consider 'well' is another guy with a vice grip on your boys slicing and dicing his way through my privates. When all of a sudden I feel like someone just kicked me as hard as they can. I of course express my discomfort. The the doc says "Oh sorry, I can fix that."

WHAT!?!?!?! YOU CAN FIX THAT? WTF? That is the last thing a dude wants to hear when a doctor is working on the boys. He says 'I can fix that'? Oh man, am I pissed. I put both ear pieces in and hear "F#ck you I won't do what I tell you". Yeah, Rage is just what I need right now.

He 'fixes' that and says to me "If it is any consolation I am almost done....with this side." Thanks, dick. He stiches me up and starts on the other side and a nurse comes in, on the other side of the screen, and asks the doctor if he needs anything. My first thought is he needs a manual, but doc says he is fine. I tell the nurse I could use a shot of vodka and she replies that they have some but do not share with the patients. Great, everyone is a comedian.

At this point I am half way thru the Rage record and I am sweating like a pig. Just sweat running off of me. He tells me he is going to give me extra pain stopper for the other side. Thanks dude, now just get it done. He manages to get thru the other side with out having to 'fix' anything and is sewing me up. At this point he calls for a nurse to come in and 'help' him find a band aid. Oh great, it is not humiliating enough that a guy has a hold of my jewels but now someone else gets to come in and witness it. I think to myself, she is just a nurse, no big deal. Nurses are like your mom. Great, now I have mentioned my mom. I open my eyes and see the nurse. Great. She looks like the nurse that you see at a strip show. I am lying here with my junk out, some dude has a hold of it, and strip show nurse comes in.

How do you act cool in this situation? No way to do it. On top of that I look like someone has dumped a bucket of water on me I am sweating so much. Hey doc, can you wrap this thing up soon while I still have a fragment of my dignity?

So he does and then just says to me, "When you feel like getting up just get up and go." And he left. Whatever happened to bedside manner? You just spent 30 minutes holding onto my family jewels and you don't even say goodbye? How about buying me dinner?

So I lay there for a while reflecting on what just happened, and another nurse comes in and gives me some paperwork and then kinda stands there as to say "Well, are you leaving?"

I appease them and get up gingerly and head to the waiting room where Donna and the girls are waiting. As I walk out of the joint, again gingerly, I could not help but think that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but hell, could they not at least get me drunk before they did all that to me?

Now GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!

New video for you to laugh at and a good article to take home and share with your spouse...

Ned the Dead promos from hamiltongbp on Vimeo.



Okay, now that I am back I want to share a few things with you. Before I gave up the Beta deck for my last job I took the time to dig through some old video stuff that I have done in the past. I found a few jems that I thought I had lost. The first one I want to share with you is one that my good friend, and Nation member, Marty Frey (of the Hollyweird Frey's), is the mastermind of. This was a promo that we did in Green Bay for WGBA. Back when GBA was still a bit watchable. From what I hear now it is unbearable to watch. Anyway. There was this show called Ned the Dead. It aired late on Saturday nights on UPN 32, GBA's sister station. Basically the premise was that Ned would watch really bad scary movies and comment on them leading out and into the commercials. Not really a bad show. Ned was funny and likeable enough. Plus he was kind of a local celebrity.

True story. One day I was at Copps or Piggly Wiggly, I can't remember. We'll go with Piggly Wiggly because I like saying it. Everyone say it together, PIGGLY WIGGLY. Now if you can't go and have a good day after that you ARE screwed up. Another good word to say to make you giggle is SHEBOYGAN. I love saying Sheboygan. Oh, sorry, kinda got off on a tangent. So there I was in Piggly Wiggly (giggle) in the beer, bratwurst, or Funyun aisle and I look over and see this dude with funny makeup on. Low and behold there he was Ned the Dead. I am not sure if he was on the way to the studio or what but he there he was wearing all his goofy makeup in the grocery store. I like to think that he was a bit goofy and did not want to give up who is real persona was and wore the makeup all the time. But, he was probably just on his way to the studio. Anyway, funny story.

So Marty came up with this idea for a promo for the show based on the Blair Witch movie which had just come out. Marty, being the innovator and a television visionary, decided he wanted to cast me in the commercial. Pure genious if you ask me. I play the guy in the movie who loses the map. I totally rocked the part.

Marty also wanting to add some pyrotechnics to his production took us out to his sisters(?) place, a cop, where they had this big burn pile. Marty wanted it to just explode when we lit it so it would be more dramatic. Cool, fire. So what do the pyromaniacs do to make it explode? We decide to pour about 10 gallons of gas on it. Oh gas was only around 90cents per gallon back then. Man those were the days. Stupid oil companies. So after we have dumped all this gas on the pile we get ready to light it. It has been sitting for about five minutes. As you may or may not know, gas fumes float on the ground and spread outwards. Wait for it...

Ned is ready to shoot and Marty hands me the matches. Marty is not always a mental giant. So I run over right next to the pile and flame on. Whoooooomph. Flames, and I mean huge flames. Not only up, but about 5 feet behind me and under me. I think Marty said he has never seen 'the big man' move that fast ever. And he never will again.

So we got the shot, no one was sent to the burn centre and it looked good. I believe that Shawn Hauser, of the Green Bay Hausers, was also there. I hope you enjoy these ads. There are two short similar ones and an extended longer one. The longer one has some of my best acting EVER.



NEXT: This is an article from Good Housekeeping from 1955. Someone sent this one to us. I usually don't read forwarded messages but I gave this one a shot. It is basically a 'How To' guide to keep your husband happy in the fifties. Ladies pay attention. I am basically a pretty progressive guy, but in this case I think there is a lot to learn here. You ladies need to read and take this to heart. After all, a happy husband is a happy house. I just made that up. Pretty good. I should write greeting cards. To be able to read the article just click on it.

The lines I like are "Catering to his every need will give you immense personal satisfaction". Yup, true that. "Show sincerity in your desire to please him." Uh, yeah, what else is there except your desire to please? "Remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours." Yes, this is true, because what is more important that discussing the Green Bay Packers and their drive to a fourth Super Bowl Championship? Really. Last, but certainly not least, "A good wife always knows here place." Word up.

As I was showing this to Donna and she is utterly appalled at the suggestions, she noted that since I do not have a job and I am staying home to take care of the kids while SHE works, that maybe I should take notes and be a bit more supportive.

Oh, yeah. Wait, this kind of backfired on me. Man, I need to think things thru a bit more. I guess I am way to progressive to ever think this is cool.

NEVERMIND

By the way, I have a job interview on Tuesday. Wish me luck.

SAY IT WITH ME - SHEBOYGAN!!!!!