Trev brings the noise...

Okay, the next victim stood up and took his medicine. Trev Doroshenko, of the Regina Doroshenkos, took time to take the quiz on TundraTalk the Podcast. What did Trev talk about? Well he spoke on the worst boss ever, the worst football team ever, and even managed to slip in some beer talk. Nice trev. CLICK HERE to listen to Trev rock the house or just click on the link up on the right.

Next up on the list to end all lists is our first, and I think last, viqueen fan. Reg Rudolph, of the Garrison Rudolphs, will step into the gauntlet. What do you think we will talk about? I can think of one thing.

Robby DuPuis, of the Minneapple DuPuis, took some offence to my soccer rants. Robby is a soccer enthusiast and thought I was a bit harsh...
WOW! Pretty harsh stuff. It's too bad soccer fans aren't classy like a rasslin' crowd.

Robby

Dude, I have never claimed wrasslin' fans to be classy, let alone intelligent. I am just sayin' that my experience this past few weeks has been difficult. I would rather cover city hall. Really. I know you play, and like I said I see how it could be a good workout, but it is far from entertaining to watch. Wrasslin', VERY entertaining. Not real, but very entertaining.

I'll agree that soccer is much more entertaining to play than watch, but I would not call wrasslin' entertaining. Ridiculous yes, entertaining no, and this is spoken from someone who has been to a wrasslin' match. Once was enough.

Robby

That is why it is entertaining. It is ridiculous. If you had gone to said match with me, you would have had a great time. Trust me I know. One of Donna and my first dates was ringside at the Minot Dome for a wrasslin' event. I got to go to wrasslin' AND hang out with a cool chick. Who won on that one? ME, BABY, ME! AND she still married me didn't she? There must be something there.

I will make one more comparison to try to illustrate my point. Remember the movie back in the 80's called 'Just one of the guys' where the chick pretended to be a dude? I did not see it but this movie's box has a picture of this chick in football locker room. There was a movie out recently called 'She's the man' that basically had the same plot, chick pretending to be a dude, except it was based around soccer. I am sure both of these movies sucked the big one, but the one that had football sucked a whole lot less because it did not involve soccer.

Bottom line soccer sucks. End of story. Sorry to offend you Robby.

Robby did send me this link to him prognosticating on the NHL playoffs. Robby is soooooo cool in this clip, his hair is way off the charts. But his prognosticating is dead on. I did remind him that I also had a haircut that was a bit, let's say, off back in the day.

Now, thatsa bad hair cut. Keith Murphy used to refer to this haircut as my "Molly Ringwald period". Yup, bad hair. If I remember correctly Robby was there when I actually had my hair dyed red. Robby went for the old lady grey but ended up with kinda gross white.

We all do stupid things when we are young.

Now Get back to work!!!!!!

Soccer, How I loathe thee...

I know that most of you know what I think about the 'beautiful game', ha, beautiful game, that is funny, but with my experiences over the last few weeks I think I need to reinterate my stance.

For the CBC I have been going to what is called the WCP World Cup of Soccer. It is being held here in Regina and ends this weekend. Basically what it is is a bunch of soccer players look at their last names and decide what ethnic origin it sounds like, start a team, name it after the country you think you have ancestors there, and then play against other teams that have designed themselves in the same manner.

Needless to say there is no US team. There are US players, but not a US team. Hmmmmm, I wonder why? Maybe because it sucks? Let me break down what I have experienced over the past few weeks. Get ready for some generalizations. Fast and furious.

First, I have figured out that all soccer fans like crappy music. All I hear is that lousy club music where every song sounds the same. Oh and don't get me started on that 'Ole, ole, ole" song. Why is that the universal song for soccer? I will never guess. I HATE THAT SONG. Plus the DJ at this tournament, yes you heard me right they have a DJ, likes to play a lot of songs that are covers. You know, a bad DJ takes a good song, like U2 With or Without You and ramps it up to aroun d 250 beats per minute, gets some singer, and I use that term loosely, puts a crappy dance beat behind it and viloa. One great song ruined. Plus said DJ likes to use the microphone too much and talk about, absolutely nothing. Of course he has the prerequisite DJ voice. You know the one, the one that sounds like he is on the crazy morning zoo crew on your local radio station. I hate DJ voice. It is like fingernails on the chalkboard, except the fingernails on the chalkboard does not want to make you vomit.

Last week he came over and put the mic in my face thinking he was going to be clever as he said 'talking to the CBC cameraman'. He asked me who I thought would win the tournament. Of course I was ready for him and said 'USA'. He looked at me with the 'I never even finished thrid grade' look and then walked away. Nice. DJ voice jerk.

Now lets talk about the atmosphere. If you can get around all the noise the fans make. Now, I have been to sporting events where you are supposed to make noise to make sure the other team knows you are there, but this is different. I saw Chile play France and the Chile fans never stopped singing. At one point I was positive they were singing the song 'Pop Goes the World' by the Canadian sensation Men Without Hats. Seroiusly, I am not kidding. Of course MWOH sang it better. Noisy, noisy, noisy. If you are gonna make noise at least be constructive like call the goalie a loser or tell him his mom just called and she said he sucks. That is the kind of noise we need. Not Ole, ole, ole, ole. Stop it for the love of god.

Speaking of atmosphere, the air in there was terrible. No, the were'nt playing in an old barn or a sulfer plant. What I am getting at is that every dude (as well as the chicks) who was there, besides wearing some kind of track pants and a 'Al Pacino' leather jacket, bathed in cologne. It is like someone took all the cologne bottles in the world and dumped them in this soccer pitch. That reminds me what the hell is a pitch anyway? Looks like a good football field wasted. Anyway, I think every Axe scent was represented as well as Calvin Klein, Chanel, and probably some Old Spice. Terrrrible. I was glad that it did not stick to me because that is the last thing I need is Donna smelling on me is some chicks purfume, or worse than that, some dudes cologne.

Now lets get to the soccer. I am, as you know not a fan. Mainly because when you watch it on TV you have to watch for around a month before you see a goal scored. Why is the goal is sooooooo big but it is so hard for those guys to put it in there? Why? It is enormous. Now I know some wise ass is going to say to me "Well if you think it is so easy why don't you try it?" Well because I have no desire to chase the ball for 90 minutes. OR watch some other dudes chase the ball.

Someone at work said that there really is no difference between soccer and hockey other than the ice and I strongly disagree. In hockey you have guys with sticks so you get big hits, fights, swearing, and overall general manly rough stuff. You know good family entertainment. None of that in soccer. There is no honor in soccer. You run back and forth for over an hour and basically have nothing to show for it. Some guy was armchair coaching from near the cameras and he yelled "you guys are just chasing the ball'. Uh, yeah, that is what soccer is. Chase the ball. It is a great sport, errr activity, for kids because they chase the ball for an hour and then they go to bed real good sleep solid all night.

I have never said that soccer players are not athletes. They are incredible athletes. They chase the ball around for 90 minutes. You are gonna get in great shape doing that. What about all the dives these guys take. Don't get me started on that. I watched this chick get kicked in the shin the other night. She went down like she just got shot by 50 cent. Writhing and crying. It was embarassing. The ref, or whatever the hell they are called in soccer, waited for a minute then gave her the call. The minute she got the call she jumped up, waved to the crowd, and said "I'm all right!". I am not lying. The crowd laughed and cheered for her.

Let me get this straight, she takes an obvious dive, gets up and tells us all she just took a dive, and it is okay? Not in my world it's not. She should have been kicked out of the game as well as someone should go to her house and kick her dog. No honor. The crowd cheered. Can you believe that? No wonder soccer players take dives so often if the crowd likes it. Here is something you soccer players can do to win over the crowd....SCORE A FREAKING GOAL THIS CENTURY!!!

So needless to say I am not excited about having to go again this week, every night, two games a night. Man, talk about nap time. There was a game the other night between two womens teams. They each scored on their first trip up the field. I immediately wanted to call someone and tell them that a miracle happened. I was thinking that at this pace they may score more goals than have been scored at all soccer games in the last five years (which I estimate to be around 10). But, alas, I was wrong. No one score for the next 55 minutes. Ended in a tie I think. I was asleep. Man that sucked.

So if you read in the paper about a camera guy going crazy and shooting up a soccer game in Canada, you know it was me. Oh, and you can call all the TV stations and do a few "He was always a very quiet person. Kept to himself mostly." interviews. You know, the way these guys take dives, I would not even need a real gun, all I would have to do is say BANG real loud and they would all go down faster than Paris Hilton when there is a camera in the room.

Now I got stuff to do. GET BACK TO WORK!!!