Just a few things...

Okay first things first. Schmenkus' Podcast has raised the ire of the Nordic One. He seems to think that Venckus was running smak at him. Here is what he had to say...

WOW. Schmeckus runs smack at me? I guess I will take that as a honor as the one to take off the hill. And the he has the balls to Rank on Curling. He was good until he went there.

Nordic Man

The Nordic One is huge into curling. In fact I think it is safe to say in Green Bay, the Nordic Man IS curling. Venckus the ball, or should I say rock, is in your house now. What say?

Okay, lets get on with things...

Why does Danny Mac have that look of 'shoot me now' on his face? Well last Friday the Prime Minister was in town. Okay for those of you south of the border, it is like the President George W. Well, except this PM did not steal an election to get his position. He won fair and square. Any way Prime Minister Steven Harper was in town for a very, very, staged photo op. He is giving all the RCMP Cadets money during their training, which is a good thing. It is hard to find anything bad in this announcement. Still I think the PM is a major dork.

He came in, stood around for the cameras and then held a major presser with a room full of Cadets. That is the key to a good presser, fill it with people that there is no way that they will disagree with you. It is easy to get over in a room full of people you are giving stuff to. I don't mean to be all negative on this, but I am not a fan of Harper at all. Too much of a bully for my taste. I think he is more about his image and taking care of his buddies in the oil industry in Alberta than keeping Canada on the straight and narrow. Anyway, I got my video, and got out. Danny Mac was equally as excited.

Okay enough about the guy who is too much of an uptight dork to hug his kid on the first day of school in front of the cameras. Lets move on.

Well this is what I did on Fathers Day. The Monster Energy Drink Canada tour. We drove to Morden Manitoba and worked a Motorcross race. Not a bad gig. I was positioned on a hill jump about two feet from the bikes. I swear I was bumped a few times as the bikes jumped over my head. It was awesome.

The day started a bit crappy because it rained but it cleared up and the races went off without a hitch. I was invited to go on this trip by Matt, of the trip to Billings to get my truck Matt. That is him in the really gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, rain gear and head band. I know Preacher is a big moto guy so he probably knows some of the guys on this tour but I had no idea. It was a good experience and another thing I can say that I worked. Sweet gig.

Well I am still waiting to hear back from the War Hero Tony Mutzenberger to see if he is going to lower himself to do a Podcast so I will let you know how that goes. Until then,
GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!

Billings Montana, Packers whip Seattle, and Marty on Leno...

Okay, it is time to get down to business. The Packers are playing this weekend against those wannabees from the northwest, the Craphawks. Holmgren, the traitor, will bring his lousy team to Lambeau to get his ass handed to him with a bow on it. So my prediction for the game is Packers 28, Do Do Birds 10. As MC Hammer said so eloquently back during high school, "U Can't Touch This". No one can touch the Pack. Believe it.

Oh, and the viqueens are 6 point underdogs this weekend and they are spending the weekend on the couch. Losers.

As for the rest of the rest I am going to predict that Indy will beat San Diego, Jacksonville is going to make a game of it with the CHEATriots, and NY will beat DallASS. That's right, I am picking the upsets. I think Jessica Slutson will be in the house and Romo will have another big 5 interception game. Which will bring the NFC Championship game to Lambeau Field. Yup, punching my ticket to the Super Bowl.

The cool pictures are from Packer Palace dot Com. The main one on the top shows the road signs on the interstate. The one on the right gives directions to Green Bay. The one in the middle is for Milwaukee, and the one on the right goes to Chicago. Losers.

NEXT: This is television programming alert that you need to watch Leno on Monday or Tuesday. Why, may you ask, am I, a Letterman enthusiast, recommending that you watch Leno? Well, Marty Frey, of the NBC Burbank Frey's, is possibly going to be on the show on Monday or Tuesday. Leno is going to do his monolouge and during it say that he is out of jokes. At this time he is going to send Arsenio Hall around the offices to see if anyon has any good jokes. Marty is one of the offices that Arsenio Hall came to. That's right Marty was in the precense of those freakishly long fingers of Arsenio Hall. Look for it on Monday. Marty told a Packer joke or two.



NEXT So last month the Passat decided that it liked to spend more time at the VW dealer than it did with me. Well I guess that it has been that way since we bought it but it got a bit worse in the last few months. Ever since John Mellencamp loaned his song "My Country" to Chevy I have wanted to buy a truck. In fact everytime that commercial came on I was halfway out the door going to shop for trucks. I love that commercial, especially when they put in the Packers at the front of Football night in America.

I did quite a bit of shopping around here in Regina and just could not find the right truck at the right price. I found this place in Bilings that had the truck I wanted at the right price. Donna works with someone who had bought from them before so I felt I could trust them. I made the deal and decided to go to Billings to get the truck.

There is about a pile and a half of paperwork to do to import a truck from the US. I had to wait 48 hours before I could pick it up. Now that brought me a slight dilemma because I did not have anyone to go with me. I on a whim called my boy Matt Wright, of the Global TV Regina Wright's, and he had nothing going on so he decided to rock to Billings with me.

Now this all good, but when we got to the border going into the US. The border guys were a bit hesitant. I guess two dudes crossing the border late at night, to buy a truck was a bit suspicious. They asked me where I worked. I said I was currently unemployed. "REALLY". "How do you know Matt?" Well I just met him a month ago at a work assignment. "REALLY." "Why do you have a US passport and live in Regina?" Well, I married a Canadian Girl. "Oh, excuse me while I put on the rubber gloves, can you please step out of the vehicle?" HUH?

That is basically how it went, well without the rubber glove thing. After I explained how I met my wife and lived in Canada all the red lights stopped flashing and they put their guns away.

After our traumatic experience at the border we stopped for gas in this small town right on the other side of the border. I bought some Funyuns, Wasabi flavor. Nice, Funyuns are great as is, but with Wasabi, kicked ass. Which I hooked Matt on the Funyuns on the way down. Great one more convert to the 'ways of the Funyun'. We also decided we needed a beer.

So we stopped in at the fine establishment called the 'Cattle Ac". This is going to be awesome. You can only imagine what kind of establishment the Cattle Ac is. Have a look at their logo on the match book. Sweet logo. We entered the establishment and immediately realized that we were underdressed. We did not have what appeared to be the prerequisite attire of Wranglers and cowboy hat. Sorry, I do not have a story that mentions a dude saying "Steers and Queers" for you here, but that would have been cool.

Matt decided that he would try his luck in the casino in the back. Oh I forgot to mention that the whole place was lit up in black light. Of course me being Mr. Mom I had a dark blue shirt on with stains from Dakotas breakfast and lunch on it. I looked like a christmas tree under all that black light. Not to mention what the hell those weird white stains were on my hands. I am going with dry skin. Click on the pic and have a look at the lights in the place. Antler chandeliers. Sweet. Gotta love Montana.

Matt managed to win 40 bucks in the Casino. Nice job Matt this trip is paying off already. We decided our luck was about out at the Cattle Ac, love that name, and took off towards Billings. At this point I will also mention that Sattelite Radio is a godsend. I have always kinda been a terrestrial radio guy. Old school, in a way, but radio in western Montana, and Regina for that matter, to put it nicely, sucks the big one. Sattelite radio, which Donna has in her Honda just majorly kicks ass. No need to deal with Toby Keith, Dolly Parton, or John Tesh (I am not kidding I heard him on the air) accross the desolation that is western Montana.

In Miles city we stopped again for a beer. But since we could not find a bar anywhere, we had to stop at another Casino. Matt gambled a bit, lost a bit. Oh, this casino was formerly a Pizza Hut. I ordered a large stuffed crust but the lady there was not really buying it. I am sure she had heard that one before. Hey, no one has EVER called me original.

No kidding, they have casinos on every corner. Where the hell is all this money coming from to gamble? It is not like Miles City is the Vegas of Montana. In a two block radius I swear I saw about 10 casinos. Weird.

So we pulled into Billings about 2 am. I did not know where the hotels were so I just jumped off the highway and looked for a reasonable hotel. The hotel that I saw that looked reasonable was called the War Bonnet Inn. Nice. No such thing as politically correct in Billings. Inside there were Native American artifacts, stuffed heads, and old west stuff all over. The name of the bar was the Arapahoe Lounge. Nice. Not a place to stay for someone who is easily offended. Oh by the way, the bed I got, I swear, was the worst mattress I have ever slept on. I could have slept outside on the pavement and it would have been softer. Worst sleep ever. I snapped a pic of the sign the next day.

Come to find out from the sales guy at the car dealership, that is the worst hotel in the city in the worst part of town. I really know how to pick 'em. As I was trying to sleep on the slab of concrete that was my mattress, all I could think of is that scene from Planes, Trains, & Automobiles when John Candy and Steve Martin are sleeping and that guy breaks in and steals all the money out of their wallets. Needless to say I slept light.

Next morning we got up and went to Denny's for my favorite breakfast, the Moons over MiHammy, when my phone rings. Who the hell is calling me? Well, I'll tell ya, just keep your shorts on. I had been shopping for a truck for a while and had talked to many a salesman. I got a call the other day from a guy who thought he had found 'my truck'. Anyway, it was Nate Davis from Capital Ford asking if I had bought a truck. Now this is normally would not be a big deal a sales guy calling me to try to sell me a truck, but Nate Davis, for the TT Nation that is in the states, is a former CFL football player for the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Actually he was my fave player from the Riders. That is him on the left in the picture and the guy kicking the snot out of Ricky Ray.

I of course informed him that I was in Billings buying a truck and he was okay with that. What he told me next won my lifelong loyalty. He informed me of a restaraunt called Famous Daves. He said they have the best ribs ever. So me being a guy who likes food, I told him we would check it out. Nate is a large man, you can always trust a restaraunt reccomendation from a large man.

He was right, I can still taste those ribs. I had Memphis style ribs, half rack. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM good. The corn bread was amazing, melted in your mouth. If you are ever in Billings, or anywhere with a Famous Daves, I suggest you do whatever you can to eat at this fine establishment. Nate Davis has my loyalty forever. Thank you Nate.

So I went over to the Hertz dealer and picked up my truck. I was very pleased with my purchase. Matt Shanks, of the Billings Shanks, was the sales guy and the did me right. Oh did I mention that Famous Daves was right next door? No, well, it is. After the deal was done we managed to get lost and in the process found this great trailer park. I swear that Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles lived there. It was awesome. So awesome that I took a picture. Have a look.

The trip home was uneventful in the fact that they let me in with the truck and did not put on any rubber gloves. I managed to pick up a few bags of Funyuns to smuggle back in. I have a truck now I can smuggle a ton if I need to.

Marty sent me this note after he saw a pic of the truck...

I just wanted to let you know that isn't a truck that you have there... That's a "fancy truck" - that only "fancy lads" would drive... A real truck has two doors for men to get in and out of.. the extra doors on the back there take up valuable bed space for haulin' man things.. If the women or kids need to ride in the truck, you put them in the middle part of the front seat or the "girlfriend seat" as it's known among real men. But you probably have some girly bucket seats in that truck instead of a real man bench seat that is always a part of a real truck. Plus - you've got some sissy, glossy bed cover on the back of that tiny little sandbox of a bed on that back of that "fancy truck".
That's the kind of truck that I see haulin' cross-dressing transvestites in the Hollywood Holiday parade. I am deeply disappointed - did your wife make you buy that?

Marty


Yup, this coming from the guy leaning against this Penis extender. Oh and this is the kind of car a guy, loosely used word, who beats his girlfriends and or his kids, reads comic books, eats sushi at a baseball game, has a subscription to maxim magazine not playboy because it is too 'graphic', drives to wine country on the weekend to bond with his 'boys', compares business cards and rates the paper it is printed on, AND is writing the next great novel, watches Leno and bionic woman (new version) in that order, and worst of all could be a viqueen fan.

Sorry Marty, I like my truck. Reply...

I bought that car used about 5 years ago from my neighbor who was having health problems and needed the money and then sold it less than a year later - not because my wife didn't enjoy riding in it.. Just because it was too fancy for a man of my practical and strong Midwest upbringing...

Yesterday we had Ric Flair and Stone Cold Steve Austin in here for a satellite interview... I showed them a picture of your truck and Ric Flair said that it was a "pussy truck".. That's right - Ric Flair himself said that your truck was a pussy truck...

Marty

Okay, you win....


NEXT: Marty, again of the Hollywood Frey's, sent me a couple of Pics of the new KITT. You know the one, Knight Rider. Yup, my fave show when I was a kid and part of the reason I always wanted a Trans Am/Firebird. Smokey and the Bandit was the other reason.

Well here is the new KITT. Nope, it is now a mustang. Marty take it away, was Hassselhoff there?...


No - "The Hoff" as he likes to call himself was not there.. Apparently his time is taken up with his new jewelry line for men that he is developing.. I'm not kidding.

They did have some "star types" but either I didn't recognize them or I didn't care..

Quick joke: Why do guys like women who wear leather? Answer: because they smell like a new car!

OK - I didn't say it was a good joke.

Anyway - they actually showed three cars in their various Knight Rider form.. the first one being totally remote controlled. They pulled back the curtain and the thing started up - drove past the cameras, pulled up the left, stopped and the doors opened up.. nobody inside. It was pretty cool.
Then they rolled up with the star types in the regular "crusing mode" car..

Then they had some stunt guy come in with the Mustang that is in "attack mode".. He drove up to the camera area and did about three massive doughnuts sending a ton of very unhealthy and stinky smoke into their faces.. I loved it! You can see from the 4th or 5th shot, all the smoke that that guy was putting up.

If you like the old late 60's boss Mustangs - these are very cool and brutal looking cars. They sounded great too.

Later,
Marty

Okay, that is all I have for you this week. Next week I am going to reflect on my 40th Birthday, which I just went thru. Nice. Now...

GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

Gemini fever, and THE best story EVER...

Okay, before we get to THE story, I will give you some background. I spen the last four days working for the CBC broadcast of the Gemini's. Basically the Canadian version of the Emmy's. Good gig, good money, hard work, and the chance to see celebrities. Can't go wrong with that.

The first three days were spent running cables, setting up monitors, putting cameras together, rehearsal, and pretending I knew what I was doing. I am good at that. AS you can see from the pictures there were a lot of cables to run. Lucky for us we had good weather. The set for the show was outstanding. Looked great in HD. I helped put down some track for a dolly camera. That was cool. Never did that before. Kinda slick operation. Again the CBC sent out their big guns from TO to run the cameras. I was positioned with camera 7. Which was a hand held camera located stage left right in front of the stage. Great spot to see the show, that is if I were not working. Basically my responsiblity was to make sure that camera 7's cables did not get tangled or up on anyones lap.

So from my position the celebs that were within spitting distance were, Tom Jackson(Actor), Georges St. Pierre(Ultimate Fighter), Matt Domingez(Sask Roughrider), Howie Mandel, Rick Mercer(political humourist), Brent Butt(Corner Gas), Paul Gross(actor, Due South),Mark McKinney(Kids in the Hall), AND Corey Haim. Nice. Cory Haim of course is famous for making really BAD movies. I still remember the first time I saw Licence to Drive. Changed my life. Okay, Lost Boys was good. Lucas wasn't bad. But Meatballs Three was horrible. Or was it MB4? It does not matter. He was a pretty nice guy. Almost too nice. He seemed to be really hyper, or just really happy. Maybe medically happy? Who knows. Oh, and very tanned.

Okay, as you can see, I take bad pictures. Especially when I probably was not supposed to be taking pictures. So they are a little blurry. The things I do for you TundraTalk Nation. That is Cory Haim in the pic above. Really it is. Oh and it really is Howie Mandel in the green shirt and hat. Really.









This is Paul Gross. Really...






















This is Brent Butt. Really...



























Oh and this is George Sromboloupolous. Really...










HERE IT IS, THE STORY TO END ALL STORIES - This one may be better than the Curt Henning story. Really. So it is gameday, Sunday, and we are rehearsing a few of the presentations. Trish Stratus is there to present with Howie Mandel. She is sitting in the front row talking to the writers. I am in my position kneeling on the floor (so as to not be seen by the other cameras), feeding cable to the camera. All of a sudden Trish gets up from her seat and walks over right next to me and leans against the stage. We are rehearsing and the director said for everyone to sit down. I thought this was odd that she got up and wanted to stand right next to the stage front and centre. She looked over to me and said "Is it okay if I stand here?" Of course what am I to say, "Hell no!! Go sit your ass down." Uh, no. I said "You can stand wherever you want." In the back of my mind I am thinking "why the hell does she want to stand here?"

I go back to my job and I notice that she is looking at me weird. Kinda like she is trying not to be noticed. THEN, I smell a real nasty fart hanging in the air. I know it is not mine, cause, of course a guy knows these things. The camera guy that I was working with is too far away. Then it hit me like a piledriver from Ric Flair. TRISH STRATUS JUST FARTED!!!!!!! Unfu#king believable.

So I am looking around to see if anyone else notices the sulfur smell coming from Trish's ass. She must have eaten something nasty last night. Nope, on my own no one is anywhere near the dead zone. She then leaves ground zero and goes back to her seat in the front row. I am now appalled. She came over and left me a present. Unfortunately it was a present that I did not want. I knew the guys would not believe me. I needed someone to confirm what I just witnessed, or smelled. Who knows what could happen next. Wait, I do.

Then, I hear her talking to the writer in the front row. She says, get this, "The camera guy over there has really bad gas." and gestures towards me. UNFU#KING BELIEVABLE! She comes over drops ass then goes and blames it on me. UNFU@KING BELIEVABLE. The writer of course, looks at me then says, "Oh, I'm sorry." Yeah sorry I don't come over there and kick your ass poindexter. IT WASN'T ME!!!! Do I have to explain it again? Guys know their own farts. It is kind of like they can keep track of stats and figures from sports. It is kind of like your fingerprint, except you don't use ink, you use your nose. On a side note, if you know what your homeboy's farts smell like, you have been spending too much time with your homeboy.

Here I am minding my own business, and she does that. I guess we should not expect anything less from a professional wrestler, but man. Even I know you don't rip one like that in public. So here I am, the host of TundraTalk, and Sunday rolls around, I did not have a brush with greatness pic to share and I thought the only thing I was going to be able to tell you was that I saw a Lost Boy. No pic with Strombo, no pic with Howie Mandel or Ric Mercer, wrongo. I got more than a brush with greatness, I got a brush with Trish Gaseous.

Oh, and as Donna pointed out so eloquently, she presented the Gemini award for Best Comedy to the show, wait for it, Corner GAS. Ha, ha, ha. Oh and the lead actor is Brent BUTT. It all makes sense now. Kinda.

There was a red carpet and everything. ET Canada was even on hand to ask all those tough questions like, "What are you wearing?" and "Who are you dating?" and "How does it feel to be here?". You know, the kind of shit that is important to all of us. Those are the ET Canada mic monkeys in the front of the pic on the right. Monkey's are funny.

Okay the show goes off great, we tear out all the cable we just got done putting into the building, and I decide to go to this party that SaskFilm is putting on in the sound stage over at the CBC. Not a bad gig. It was the official wrap party for the show. Here is bozo the clown, me, in all my work clothes crashing a ritzy party. Nice. FREE BOOZE. That is all that needs to be said. Matt Wright, of the Regina Wrights, was my wing man, or maybe I was his, no matter. Oh, please welcome Matt into the TT fold with open arms. He is a good guy that I have worked with at the CCMA's and the Gemini's. He is from Sri Lanka, not sure why I know that, but I do. Anyway, I managed to get a brush with Greatness photo with Ultimate Fighter Georges St. Pierre and Matt was VERY jealous, not really but it makes a better story, so I got one with him and GSP also. He also got one with Ron Maclean. Very cool.

So to recap, I did not get the holy grail, the BWG pic with Georg Stromboulopolous but I did get to meet him breifly. He is very cool and the real deal. I did not get Matt's holy grail BWG pic with Cory Haim. However, I did get farted on, and blamed for said fart by Trish Gaseous. Not a bad weekend. Not a good one, but not bad. Oh, wait, I did get my pic with Evangeline Lily, you know the chick from Lost. Nice...

NEXT: Marty Frey, of the Hollyweird Freys, sent me this pic and this note the other day....


Chris,

Can you pick out the kid that has got to be your illegitimate child?

These cute little tykes were told to "make funny faces for the camera".

The little tyke has learned by this early age - something that took his possibly father years to come up with..

Yes - I'm talking about... THE DOUBLE GUNS!
Marty
What do you mean Marty? Where would you get the idea that that kid takes after me? I think you are dreaming. Wake up.







Have a great week!!!!